smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
