It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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