Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
