my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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