All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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