remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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