Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
