come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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