im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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