he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
