Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
