escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
