Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
