I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
