Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize