shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
