Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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