Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
