She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
