Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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