I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
