The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
