That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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