In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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