y did u give ur computer a hand job?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
