i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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