Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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