i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
