I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
