why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
