What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
