I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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