he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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