the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
