Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
