I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Houston, we have a squirter
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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