That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
