Buhtt sex?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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