mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
