the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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