P.S. I can't hear my feet
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
