Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
