oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
