You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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