so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
