my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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