You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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