There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
