theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
