Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
