I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
