you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
